RELATIONSHIPS ARE DIFFICULT !!! Dr. Mitch Psy.D. was a Psychotherapist for 30+ years Specializing in Marriage & Relationship Workshops (presently working as life coaches). I learned very early in my Practice that most couples needed Present & Immediate Help/skills to deal with their everyday issues. This is the reason Dr. Mitch and Lisa Couples/Marriage Life Coaches. have Concentrated on Marriage/Couples Workshops. We discovered that the (45 minute session) does not work well for Couples, in fact, all it did was to open up a "Can of Worms". When the Couple went home they began fighting even more & more intensely. THIS WAS NOT FAIR TO THEM !! In Addition, Lisa & Dr. Mitch Co-Lead the Couples Workshops together, in order to have a Female & Male Perspective. Please Call Dr. Mitch for a Free Phone Consult.
Dr. Mitch developed a 2 Session Workshop or 4 Session Workshop (Your Choice) mini-workshop to assess the Couples problems and quickly give them the Skills to Communicate with each other. When this is Successful, then we move on to the bigger issues, (infidelity, control, lying, addictions, abuse, anger, dependence) but we will concentrate on your Present issues of your Relationship and on the Art of Communicating with each other. We do not have to go into your past and dig up all the reasons you are the way you are. Instead, we gave you the tools you need to face any issues that comes along in your Relationship in the PRESENT.
REMEMBER ITS THE PRESENT WHERE HAPPINESS IS NOT THE PAST OR EVEN THE FUTURE. Many times when we think of the past, we feel GUILTY & this brings up PAST TRAUMAS/MEMORIES & this Creates ANGER, DEPRESSION & FEELINGS of being a VICTIM, which affect our SELF-ESTEEM & takes away our Happiness in the PRESENT. In Thinking about THE FUTURE it brings up Feelings of FEAR & ANXIETIES which also takes you away from being Happy in the PRESENT. (WE WILL DISCUSS FURTHER).
***MARRIAGE RULES & SKILLS***
***RULES OF ENGAGEMENT***
* Never be Judgmental (Minimize or Discount) each others feelings
* Never try to prove each other Right or Wrong (We do not have a Judge to decide).
* Never Blame one another ( We Empower ourselves to Choose our Feelings)
* Always take Responsibility for your own actions
* Never be Defensive, you don't have to be, just Listen and Relate
* Never discuss anything important when under the Influence or Angry or Infront of your children
* Always call a Time Out when things start getting heated (That Must be the LAW).
* You can only deal with one issue at a time (the person who is presenting)
* Never Call Names or hit below the belt or bring up old wounds
* Always Take Turns (3 minutes each, one issue at a time) when bringing up issues (Do Not Interrupt each other).
* Be a Good Listener (Try and Relate to your Partner, Put yourself in their shoes).
* Be Sensitive to each others Feelings by putting yourself in the other persons shoes
* Try and Relate to each others Feelings without being Judgmental
* Create a Peaceful Place in your home where you can discuss issues
Ex. Light candles, Soft Background Lighting and Music
* Always try and get in touch with your own feelings first and then try to Communicate your Feelings in words (Be A Story Teller) to your Partner
Learn how to get your Composure and use your Coping Skills (THINK things Through)
Ex. Gym, Walk, Journal, Talk to a Friend, Listen to Music etc.
* Always Respect each others Perception of a Situation
Ex. Men think Differently than Women-Different Religions think Differently-Different Age Groups think Differently, Different Cultures think Differently etc etc
REMEMBER THE WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU!
** Change will occur through Sensitivity, Compassion and Empathy (Not thru Debating who is right and who is wrong). Always remember, we are a TEAM not Adversaries.
5 Principles of Effective Couples Workshops
Make your Relationship work by following these five basic principles.
***KEY POINTS
- When properly conducted, Couples Workshops can have demonstrably positive effects.
- Principles of effective Couples Workshops include modifying dysfunctional behavior, decreasing emotional avoidance, and improving communication.
- By remembering that each Relationship has its unique challenges and strengths, you'll be giving yours the best chances for survival.
******Five Basic Principles of Effective Couples Workshops:
1. Changes the views of the Relationship.
Throughout our process, we attempt to help both Partners see the relationship in a more objective manner. They learn to stop the "blame game" and instead look at what happens to them in a process involving each partner. They also can benefit from seeing that their Relationship takes place in a certain context. For example, couples who struggle financially will be under different kinds of situational stresses than those who do not. We will begin this process by collecting "data" on the interaction between the partners by watching how they interact. We then formulate "hypotheses" about what factors may lead to the way the partners interact. There's empirical support for a variety of approaches, from behavioral to insight-oriented. We will use different strategies, in order to focus on altering the way the relationship is understood then the couple can start to see each other, and their interactions, in more adaptive ways.
2. Modifies dysfunctional behavior.
We attempt to change the way that the partners actually behave with each other. This means that in addition to helping them improve their interactions, we also need to ensure that our clients are not engaging in actions that can cause physical, psychological, or economic harm. In order to do this, we must conduct a careful assessment to determine whether our clients are, in fact, at risk. If necessary, we may recommend, for example, that one partner be referred to a domestic violence shelter, to specialized drug abuse treatment, or to anger management. It is also possible that if the risk is not sufficiently severe, the couple can benefit from "time-out" procedures to stop the escalation of conflict.
3. Decreases emotional avoidance.
Couples who avoid expressing their private feelings put themselves at greater risk of becoming emotionally distant and growing apart. We help our clients bring out the emotions and thoughts that they fear expressing to the other person. Attachment-based couples therapy allows the partners to feel less afraid of expressing their needs for closeness. According to this view, some partners who failed to develop "secure" emotional attachments in childhood have unmet needs that they carry over into their adult Relationships. They fear showing their partners how much they need them because they are afraid that their partners will reject them. Behaviorally based therapists assume that adults may fear expressing their true feelings because, in the past, they did not receive "reinforcement." Either way, both theoretical approaches advocate helping their clients express their true feelings in a way that will eventually draw them closer together.
4. Improves Communication.
Being able to Communicate is one of the "three C's" of intimacy. All effective Couples Workshops focus on helping the partners to Communicate more effectively. Building on principles #2 and #3, this Communication should not be abusive, nor should partners ridicule each other when they do express their true feelings. Couples may, therefore, require "coaching" to learn how to speak to each other in more supportive and understanding ways. We may also provide the Couple with didactic instruction to give them the basis for knowing what types of Communication are effective and what types will only cause more conflict. They can learn how to listen more actively and empathically, for example. Couples with a long history of mutual criticism may require a different approach than those who try to avoid conflict at all costs.
5. Promotes Strengths.
We point out the strengths in the Relationship and build resilience particularly as your Workshop nears a close. Because so much of Couples Workshops involves focusing on problem areas, it's easy to lose sight of the other areas in which Couples function effectively. The point of promoting strength is to help the Couple derive more enjoyment out of their Relationship. We may "prescribe" that one partner do something that pleases the other.
We can see, then, that people in Troubled Relationships need not give up in despair if their situation seems bleak. By the same token, people afraid of entering long-term relationships can be encouraged by learning that Trouble Relationships can be fixed.
Looking at the flip side, these five principles of effective Workshops suggest ways that Couples can build and maintain positive Close Relationships. Take an objective look at your Relationship, to get help to reduce dysfunctional behaviors, feel that you can share your emotions, communicate effectively, and emphasize what's working. Most importantly, by remembering that each Relationship has its unique challenges and strengths, you'll be giving yours the best chances for survival.
MARRIAGE/COUPLES CRISIS:
We have several Intense Private Couples/Marital Workshops that are Designed Especially for the RELATIONSHIPS that are going through a CRISIS PRESENTLY or want to make Good RELATIONSHIPS Better. These Couples NEED Extra Attention Right Away and Should Not have to Wait for the Traditional 1x per week Sessions. Please Call Dr. Mitch PsyD & Lisa to go over the different programs we offer. Dr. Mitch & Lisa will Try and Help you Save Your Marriage/Relationship Immediately because we know Time is of the Essence.